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My young daughter and I were coloring pictures and I colored the sun red.
“The sun isn’t supposed to be red, Daddy,” she told me. “It’s supposed to be yellow. Like your teeth.”
From the mouths of babes . . .
Wayne, LOL x 100 Thanks for the laugh.
Ken
Wayne, that is damn funny. I got another one for you:
“Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib? Daughter: You told me to change the baby.”
Last time I read your blog while drinking my morn coffee. I almost spewed it on the keyboard when I read the little girl would rather get a spanking…
Ann,
Good excuse to get the new MAC!!! Thank you.
KEn
Our family was snacking in the food court at the mall and watching workers set up for a pageant. My then three- year-old son said excitedly, “Mommy, you could be in that! . . . If you were prettier.”
Yep; out of the mouth of babes. 😀
Love it!
I have never really had a problem with getting older. Last year we were having fun and the kids were wishing me a happy 37th birthday. My 10 year old son wished me a happy birthday and then paused and said but your living your 38th year now… Thanks son!!! I think… 🙂
Melinda,
That’s a math smart kid if not a husband smart kid yet.
Ken
I love to sing and remember words to many, many songs. While driving in my car with our 2 year old son, I was singing and he simply said “Mom, don’t.” I still love singing but don’t do it around him-he is 39 now.
Chardel,
LOL LOL
Been there.
Ken
This reminded me of a time when my daughter, Tessa, was about three or four years old. We were in my office and just chatting. Actually, I was quizzing her on big and little. I asked her, “Which was bigger me or an elephant?” I certianly wasn’t prepared for her reply, “You!” I was shocked!! However, when she pointed to the pink stuffed elephant she had given me I totally understood and had to laugh. Gotta love their honesty =D
Ruby,
My daughter called my wife a hippo in front of 1000 people. Diane was pregnant. She wasn’t being mean. It was the only word that she could think of.
Ken
My husband had packed on a few pounds over the winter months a few years ago, and was enjoying the sun without his jacket after our Easter morning service. My granddaughter, watching him from the backseat of their car, couldn’t resist any longer. “Poppo,” she asked through her open window, “are you gonna have a baby?”
We laughed the entire 30 minute drive home!
Oh, those big, innocent eyes!
Claudia,
Thank you. I loved it.
Ken
Oh yes! Here’s one of my “from the mouths of babes” stories. My four year old grandson Ben and I were watching a basketball game on the TV. When a time out was called the cheerleaders ran on the floor and began to cheer their team. Ben really seemed to like the cheerleaders so I told him that in high school I used to be a cheerleader. Ben sat for a minute thinking and then very seriously said “That must have been a long, long time ago, Gema”
I thought to myself yes Ben that was along, long, long time ago.
Janet,
For them two days is a long time ago.
Ken
Those are some hilarious examples Ken. Little kids say the darnedest things.
I have a friend who has a young boy and she’s always posting the stuff he says. Always cracks me up.
My now 21 year old son was quite a handful growing up and at 3 years old went toe to toe in an argument with my then 68 year old Dad (something I still wouldnt have the courage to do). My father told my son to do something and my son replied
“You’re not the boss of me. My mom is”
This confused my Dad and then he responded
“Well, Im the Boss of your Mom..”
“Nope,” answered my little wise guy. “God is.”
And with that, my father lost the argument.
God is the boss of all of us. Thanks Pat
Ken
My parents had just picked up my family & I from the airport. Our son, about 3, was sitting in the back in his carseat. He looked at his grandma in the front and said loudly “Why does Nanny have those swingy things hanging from her arms?” (My mom is on the fuller side, so I was mortified!) My mom turned around with a sly grin and without missing a beat said “That’s what happens to your muscles when you don’t eat your vegetables, they hang under your arms instead of on top!”
Love it! And love your mom!
I went upstairs to get my 3 year old after her nap one afternoon. when she saw me she asked “what are you doing momma?” I answered: “i’m here to get you after your nap. what are you doing?” She very nonchalantly replied: “oh, just something dangerous.” LOL
Liz,
They specialize in dangerous
Ken
Earlier this year I took a very up-close photo of a snowflake and it was amazing! So full of detail you would never expect as it’s falling to the ground. I sent it to my older brother in DC. A couple weeks later I was having a Skype-breakfast-date with my 6 year old nephew and he was making me an art project for my wall. When he held it up it was a seriously good snowflake that he had cut out of paper! I told him how cool it looked and that it looked like an actual snowflake. He said, “How do you know what a real snowflake looks like?” My brother said, “Didn’t I show you Aunt Morgan’s snowflake?” So he clicks around on the computer and the image pops up. My nephew exclaims, “WOW!! That’s YOUR snowflake Aunt Morgan?!” “Well, it’s not MINE, but I took a picture of it.” “Who MADE it??” “God did.” “Whoa…He did a really good job!”
Hahaha….it was so funny and innocent and so full of truth! LOVE that kid! 🙂
Morgan,
You are so right.
Ken
My daughter Harley and I have this saying to each other nice butt. Not sure how it started but it always put a smile on our faces so one day we were in the local store by Grandma and Grandpa and Harley was about 4 or 5 and we were checking out and Harley in loud voice says to me about the man who was bagging our grocery Nice Butt. Never turned so red in my life and I do not think Grandma and Grandpa have been back to that store. Out of the mouth of Babes
Sue,
Granddaughter once announced in a crowded airport. Look at that butt! I ran!
Ken
When our Daughter Lindsay was about 3 or 4, someone asked her what Religion she was….she proudly answered “Prostitute” INSTEAD of
Protestant!! We walked away laughing soo hard….& then calmly reminded her of the Religion we belong to!! To this day, she still tells of that funny moment….but at least now, she KNOWS the proper names of ALL the Religions!!
Pam,
I am still laughing at this one.
Ken
When I’m driving and I start *ahem* yelling at other drivers my daughter will say, “mommy, you have to be nice to people. Be nice, ok mommy?”
Liz,
Out of the mouths of babes.
Ken
I am older than many of the other moms of kindergarteners. (I was 39 when my young daughter was in kindergarten.) On a day when I came to pick her up from school and I wasn’t looking my best one of her little friends looked up and asked me if I was her mom or her grandma!
Nena,
Whos!!j
Ken
I had an extended battle with bronchitis and felt absolutely horrible. My nine-year-old son wanted to reassure me, so he gave me a hug and said, “Don’t worry, Mom. You’re pretty…ugly.”
Anne,
Ouch! Thank you for sharing this. Funny.
Ken
One more… One of our favorite kid’s movies is Shrek. At the end of the movie on video is Karaoke in the swamp where Donkey sings “I Like Big Butts” Once when my oldest daughter was two and we were waiting in line at the grocery store she belted out loud and clear, “I like big butts and I cannot lie…”!
Nena,
I am still laughing. They are so innocent.
Ken
I used to be BEANIE the Clown and was doing a birthday party with about 10 children in attendance, ages 6 and 7. One little boy came up to me afterward and said, “You’re supposed to be a clown and you weren’t even funny!” I laughed and said, “I may not have been funny, but I played a lot of games with you kids!” And he was the one who had the most fun! LOL. Another time my son, daughter-in-law, 10 year old granddaughter Ashley and I were on our way to town. I was jabbering on and on when Ashley suddenly said, “Gramma, do you EVER stop talking?” 🙂
Sharon,
thank you for sharing this.
Ken
I laughed right out at that little girl’s comment about rather having a spanking than listening to you! Yes, out of the mouths of babes!!!
One more: a couple winters ago I was singing and some snow fell off the roof. My then 7 year old granddaughter immediately said, “Gramma, look what you did! Now quit that screeching!” We still laugh about that!
My sister is the mother of five year old triplet boys. One day while watching the boys for my sister, I was trying to get them to eat their lunch. I sat down at the table with them and was encouraging James as he took a big bite. I said “great job, James, that was a big bite, now take another.” James took another bite and I said “another bite down the hatch.” I looked across the table at Brandon, who had a stricken look on his face. Then Brandon said “but I don’t have a hatch.”
Selina,
I have a hatch. I fill it often.
Ken
My husband and I teach the 3 year old Sunday School class at our church and have had many interesting things said and done in the class. Recently, we were getting ready to sing Head and Shoulders as I normally do I had them pointing to different parts of their body and on some of them asked what those parts do. When I asked what we do with our nose, one little girl said “pick it.”
Michelle,
I loved this.
Ken
My 8 yr old recently asked me if I had “worry lines.” I answered cautiously, “um, probably.” To which she forcefully responded, “You do.” Then proceeded to point and say, “Here, and here, and here.”
Kelly,
LOL LOL
KEn
Ken, We just got to spend the weekend with our two sweet grandsons. We learned that the oldest, age 2 1/2, calls anything he doesn’t know the name of, a “ha ha”. “It’s a ha ha”, he’ll say. How fitting, I think- now when I see something I don’t know quite what to think of, those words come to mind, “It’s a ha ha” and it reminds me to lighten up and live!
Cheryl,
I agree!! Thanks
Ken
I was eating Lunch with my 3 year old niece and we started talking about family. I explained that my husband is her Uncle and that makes me her Aunt. She looked at me strangely and said, “You’re not an ant. You’re more like an elephant.” And even though it hurt a little (I had even lost about 30 lbs at that point) I had to laugh. I sure do love that little girl. 🙂
Ashley,
Love the fact that you have a sense of humor.
KEn
Our father came home from a bad day at work. At the family dinner table all us kids were trying to finish and be excused asap. After only mom and youngest were left, dad said to brother still in his high chair “Eat your dinner!”. He replied “You bought it, you eat it.”.
Stifled laughter could be heard from everywhere… wow, still makes me laugh!
I’m not sure where he gets this from. When my son was young and in daycare one day I came home to a sad and dejected face. When I asked what was wrong his mom looked at him and said,”you tell dad.”
He comes over and tells me that he got in trouble and had to sit in the corner.
He then went on to explain how he moved a chair over to the fish tank so that he could climb up and get a closer look at the fish. He said that when he had everything all ready he turned around and another kid pushed him out of the way and climbed up on the chair himself. My son then tells me he reached over, grabbed a nerf baseball bat and hit the kid, the kid wasn’t hurt and nothing was damaged. The other kid got the message, but, the teacher saw what happened and made him sit in the corner.
I then asked him if he learned a lesson to which he replied, “Yes.”
Like a young and nieve dadI asked, “and what lesson did you learn?”
Without a blink he looks up and says, “make sure the teacher isn’t looking before you swing.”
I forgot all about this incident until I read your blog.
Thank you for bringing back a cherished memory.
Roger,
Now thats a smart kid.
Ken
“What did you learn in Bible school today?”
“That Jesus ate lunch with that lady you watch on TV.”
“What?”
“Martha and her sister Mary. Mary sat with Jesus while Martha Stewart made the lunch.”
Teresa,
Martha stewart in the Bible. LOL
KEn
My son was almost 3 when Sanctus Real came out with “Lead Me.” It still is one of our favorite songs. He was just singing away one day and I heard him say the words, “Don’t leave me hungry for lunch, chasing cheese.” The lyrics say “Don’t leave me hungry for love, chasing dreams.”
From the mouths of babes!
I think I like his lyric better!
LOVE that song, but the “new” lyrics are a riot!
Love his lyrics better.
Ken
Always trust children to keep you grounded. I am an attorney, but I am also blonde. My step-son, who was attending middle school and had to do a report on a newspaper article, found an article on me and when he came home he showed me the report and said, I had to keep telling the teacher that you were really smart, even though you really had blonde hair and I told her that you were the smarted blonde I knew.
I loved him for that!
Dawn,
He will make a good husband.
Ken
Last week:
5-year-old: “When I am grown up and married, you will still be my mom and dad will still be my dad, but you will both look even older than you do now.”
How funny! You have to love the honesty of little ones.
I held my four-year-old daughter in her bed to help her fall asleep. I went back to my bedroom and at 1:30 AM heard her little feet climbing up the steps. I opened one eye and saw her silhouette against the window. She had her hand on her hip and used her “bossy” tone “Mom, how many times have I told you that you can’t leave me alone in my bed because my room is scary?”
Lily,
Get with it mom!!! Lol. Thanks for sharing this.
Ken
My 7 year old son asked me recently…”Mom, if you had the baby a year ago (his little sister), and she isn’t in there anymore, why do you still have a big belly?”
Susan,
Surprise son!
Ken
Thanks. I needed a laugh today.
I love the innocent honest of children, but it becomes awkward when the parents become embarrassed and try to cover for their child.
While fixing my hair into a ponytail, my daughter says, “Mom, you look so beautiful.” I am just beginning to feel beautiful when she continues, “just like a horse.” So…I look like a horses butt? Really?
Here I go, again. (Having 7 grandchildren, I could probably fill a book with innocent wisdomisms.) Anyway, when my oldest grandson, now 21, was only 3, we were explaining his mother’s growing shape with “Mommy has a baby in her tummy.” In answer to that dilemma, he cupped his little hand under Mommy’s chin and clearly said, “Spit it out!”
I love him dearly then and now!
Years ago when my sons were 7&4 During Sunday lunch after Church I was talking with my older son about his behavior during Sunday School. As I asked him why he did something the 4 year old looked at me and said “Dad, did you see him do it? With a little suprise in my voice I said no I did not. With that my precious little 4 year old looked at me, crossed his arms and declaired “Well then he didn’t do it”! He’s 25 now and will still argue with a fence post.
I was eating a sandwich at the table when my friend’s 7 year old daughter came stomping in the door of my coffee shop and plopped down across from me. She whipped out her compact mirror from her tiny purse and looking in it she declared loudly, “My brother says I have a mustache!”
“I DO have a mustache!” She cried out, and then looking at me she continued, “YOU have a mustache, TOO!” I thought I would fall off my chair laughing.
I loved this. Thanks, leanne,
Ken
I love kid stories! I could share a million of them (but I will spare you all but one.)
when I was expecting baby #4 my #3 child was 2. By nature she is a laid back and quiet youngster so she didnt have a lot to say. One day she found her vioce, (and opinion) when I reached into the cabinet to get a cup. The dishwasher, a portabe unit, was hooked up to the sink. My kitchen had JUST ENOUGH space for the dishwasher so getting to the cabinet was a feat! I had to wedge my 6months pregnant self between the dishwasher and counter and LEAN OVER to reach the cabinet.
Heidi, upon seeing my effort exclaimed in an astonished 2 yr old voice
“MOM! YOUR BUTT! ITS SO BIG!”
From the mouth of babes indeed!
My young daughter had the flu and I had spend some time in the bathroom with her. When I came out I noticed my young son was sitting in the recliner head bowed and hands folded. I was so touched by this scene and I gently asked him if he was praying that his sister would get better. He answered, “No so I don’t get it!”
Sue,
LoL. So honest.
Ken
I was “getting ready” to run to the store to pick up something for supper. It was fairly late and I had already taken off my makeup, so I was standing in the mirror adding a touch of lip gloss and trying to “fluff” my hair. My daughter, around 7 at the time, was sitting on the bathroom counter watching me. She asked me why I was putting on makeup JUST to go to the store. I responded that I guess I want to look pretty to go to the store. To which she replied, “But, you already looked pretty, momma.” How sweet, I thought. “Well thank you,” I said, “but I guess I want to look prettiER.” She sat there watching in the mirror for a few minutes then said softly, “You know, Mom…sometimes JUST pretty IS prettiER.”
What a life lesson I was given!
DeAnza,
Maybe you should consider going without makeup. (-;
Ken
My son, who was 8 at the time, was telling us how much he loved shopping at Target. He then asked my husband, “Dad, did they have stores when you were little…you know, back in the 19’s?”
Joy,
The 19s???
Ken
Children’s message at church. Every mother with young children knows this is when they rat you out pastor was doing a children’s message on stewardship and asked the kids what kind of chores they so around the house. My oldest raised his hand and told all 600 people sitting in the pews “It’s my job to get Daddy his beer during football games.” Ken, you could have heard a pin drop before I slugged my husband in the arm. He let out a yelp and pastor wisely announced “I don’t think that’s going to be you job anymore Charlie to which the entire congregation busted out laughing
Charlie was only four at the time.
Back in the early 90’s(?), the little girl (she was about 4 years old) that lived next door to me spent two weeks with grandma. When she returned home, she was telling me everything that she did with Grandma. Her dad told her it was time to go in and take her bath. She stood up, placed her hands on her hips, looked her dad straight in the eyes and said: “Well slap my face and call me Zsa Zsa.” Then went inside to take her bath.
My girls were around five when they made these comments. I have four girls and they now range from ages 13-23.)
1)My daughter Katie and my niece Heather were riding in my van when I decided to pull over and pick some cat tails. Katie asked me what they were so I told her. She began to cry. I asked what was the matter. She said, “Put the tail back on the kitty mommy!”
2)I was getting ready for my sisters bridal shower when my daughter Sarah asked where we were going. After telling her she stood looking puzzled for a minute then asked, “Will we need our rain coats?”
3) Katie was watching her dad blow his nose. “Dad, you have cobwebs in your nose!”
4) I was waiting on a customer when my daughter Hannah blurted out, “Mommy, That woman is fat!” I tried to cover her mouth before the last word came out but I wasn’t quick enough. I am sure the lady didn’t want to be reminded of her size.
I can’t think of any zingers at the moment from Laurie but I swear you are her hero. As a seventeen year old she is quick witted like you! Thank you for the laughs Mr Davis! We always enjoy your humor. We saw you in Attica last year. Had a great time.
My grandson looked at my wedding picture from 25 years ago. He said to his grandpa, “You look about the same grandpa. But, what happened to Nannie (his name for me)?” Fortunately, I was able to laugh at his innocent question!
It was a funny post and the comments made me laugh too. Here is one from our family:
My 3 year old son was trying to push past my husband to get into our shed. My husband blocked him and asked “Why do you want to go in there?” to which my son replied “I’m looking for something to need.”
Would like to know where you are appearing this June 28, 29, 30th etc weekend. Maybe my husband and I could attend. It’s our 50th wedding anniversary and we would like to attend something funny.