You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “A Tribute to My Dad, a POW, and a Veteran of Two very Different Wars”.
You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “A Tribute to My Dad, a POW, and a Veteran of Two very Different Wars”.
Comments
Loved the story and I agree their memories may be messed up or gone but they are still there. Pat is an idiot. I pray that illness can be cured soon.
Thank you for this. My sweet and wonderful mother-in-law had Alzheimer’s. She died of a blood clot before Alzheimer’s reached the point where she didn’t know us. As we shared life with her, she became more precious to us. Still miss her so–with or without Alzheimer’s.
I was not aware of this proclaimation by Pat Robertson and it is heart wrenching to think he said it. I look at is as the “OR WORSE” part. No one thinks it will happen or expects it to happen. It is horrible when it does, but you say “In sickness and in health” and “For better or Worse” I take care of a lady with the disease so she can live at home with her husband. It is the worst part but they are devoted. I am learning much by watching this season of their relationship.
Thanks for your blog. I was very upset by Mr. Robertson’s comments. I lost my mom to Alzheimers almost a year ago and I was able to spend a great deal of time at the end and I am very grateful I was able to do that. She too knew that she was loved!!
Debbie,
I am so sorry for your loss, and so glad your mom was surrounded by your love.
Ken
Just because Pat Robertson is a preacher does not mean he is the Christian man he has so vividly portrayed for decades. God will deal with Mr. Robertson when his time comes and I pray whatever woman has induced him to divorce his wife does not get alzhemiers so he can abandon her too!
I completely disagree with Mr Robertson’s view.
“No matter what our condition, God still knows who we are. No matter how decrepit or deranged he remembers the price that was paid for our redemption. Because of who He is he will never leave us or forsake us.” Are we not to model that type of sacrificial love? A physical organ may “be gone”… though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. Though Alzheimer’s is painful and perplexing to witness and care for those who have this terrible disease, it is temporary!!! Let’s fix our eyes on the unseen, eternal, & imperishable realities. Let’s not leave or forsake the one to whom we vowed our love, before God, ’til death do we part.
omg im cryin so hard right now thank you for your post i hope you find comfort in know that your father is with the lord now maybe hes teaching my son jake some good things like how to work on a truck or how to fix a broken door hinge god bless you and your family i wonder what pat will do if his family gets this diease will he just turn his back on them .
Thank you for your article-we all need to speak up; about a lot of things-start living fully our Christianity-we can start by forgiving and praying for Mr. Robertson, who is obviously suffering from some sort of illness himself-either physical, mental or spiritual. As a shepherd of his people-he is held accountable for all those he led astray by this declaration; so he is going to need the prayer! Christ spoke clearly on those who ‘tripped up their brethren’. May the Divine Mercy of Jesus Christ be with us all!
Perhaps Pat Robertson should see the movie “The Notebook”. Also the vows of “’til death do us part” it doesn’t say a kind of death… He is senile and wrong!! I had always admired him until now!
My Mom had dementia, as well. It wasn’t Alzheimer’s, but it was essentially the same thing. Good days and bad at first, gradually working up to almost all days where it was clear that she had no idea who any of us were. My Dad did his absolute best to take care of her at home, and only “gave up” when us kids forced the issue, because it was beginning to have a physical toll on him. Pat Robertson needs to go back, and re-read his Bible. Front to back, cover to cover, and pray that the Holy Spirit puts his heart right again. His statement is a blow to not only those with Alzheimer’s, but a blow to Christians everywhere. He is just wrong.
I agree with Julie! The bible teaches in Matt 19:9 that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery.
Pat does need to re-read his bible from cover to cover and learn of God’s love for us and His will for our lives.
What a timely piece! As I write this, my elderly Grandmother is waiting in hospital to be transferred to a care home, as my Grandfather can no longer take care of her. She has Alzheimer’s and barely recognizes anyone anymore. But even though my Dad has only gone once to see here, Grandpa goes every day to make sure she eats and is properly taken care of, still faithful to the vows he made to her 56 years ago. If nothing else, she too knows she is loved. The Bible commands us to love our spouse regardless of health or situation. Shame on Pat Robertson for teaching such an awful, unbiblical thing!
I agree, the vows we take at the time of marriage still stand until death us do part. For better or worse! Alzheimer’s is worse but we are still bound by our vow’s before God and all the witnesses.
I read your very touching message and I wholeheartedly agree that no one should divorce because their mate doesn’t know them.This proclamation stunned me as well.
This article is truly saddening….it brought tears to my eyes and Pat Robertson owes an apology, and needs to stay out of the social media!!!
What a beautiful example of unconditional love and of a man who was faithful to his covenantial vows–“For better or for worse…Till death do us part.”
My mother in law had Alzheimers and was in a nursing home when I first met her. My husband had not been to visit in several years but we went to meet his family and that included visiting her int he nursing home. His dad went every single day for over 10 years. While we sat there eating lunch with her I observed. Maybe it was my imagination but I observed her staring across the table at my husband. Her only son that she had not seen in years. I swear she moved forward like she wanted to touch him but she couldn’t, she just stared. But her eyes were not blank, it was like she wanted to speak and move but was locked in place. It was one of the most beautiful life experiences I have been witness to and while it is a horrid disease, I do not consider them gone. They know things and see things, they just cannot express themselves any longer. At least, that is what I believe. If Mr. Robertson could have seen what I saw in her eyes he might have proclaimed it a miracle. To me it was a woman so excited to see her son but unable to express it. I never knew her before the disease but what I saw convinced me she was a wonderful mother, even then.
I would say your dad was a lucky man to have you for a son….as for Pat’s “comments”…totally out of line….L
I just have tears….thank you….thank you so very much for writing this…We forget the love that the master is forging in our own hearts…It’s not about our needs is it…It is about His love….over and over and over…it gives and gives and covers…
God bless you with his deep, abiding peace
Boy, you hit it right on the head ! I too, have just finished experiencing the loss of my father to Alzheimer’s and was also taken back with Pat Robetson’s comments last week. How could we, as family cast aside our parent? How could a wife, or husband cast away a spouse in need. My father was THERE until the end of his life. Same as your father, he did not talk or communicate, did not eat willingly, no signs of understanding or comprehension and yes, lots of staring into space. He however did respond to prayer…that spiritual level that does not fail. Many times we saw expressions change when we prayed(or he prayed) and he would never “forget” that part of his being…close to his God and Savior. How sad to think that someone does not understand that part of the disease and condones and departure from marriage for that reason. How glad we are that our God, Almighty chose to not only love our Dad, but comforted and shielded him in his time of need. We miss our Dad but know he is now totally healed of mind and body and is enjoying the streets of gold.
Thanks for the measured and thoughtful reply to Mr. Robertson’s comments. I think this issue of “what to do with someone who cannot speak for themselves” is one that The Church needs to address boldly in action: that even when a person’s soul has receded from the forefront, that their eternal spirit and their body still require our love, face-to-face ministry time, and honor.
Emily, I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for commenting.
Ken
i was actually watching when pat robertson made this statement. it was stunning. this is not biblical in any way. My sister had alzhiemer’s and passed away this year. We were and always will be sisters. As said above, She may not have recognized me as her sister, but i recognized her. God bless all the families that struggle with this disease, and God bless your loved one.
my mother also walked the journey with alheizmers. i thought often of that story of she does not know us but we know her! And after a period of time when my mom could not converse anymore or what she said made no sense at all, just a short time before her death, this is her last coherent words to me
“For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life”
The Word of God was still in my Mother! And so was everything else even if she could not express it!
Remember your loved ones are still just who they were in the past! It is within them! Honor them, love them and cherish each adn every moment that you have with them! Because the “real” them is in there and you never know when it will come out!
My mother went to heaven 3 years ago.
I gotta tell ya…I’ve disregarded Pat Robertson and EVERYTHING he has said for the past 30 years. I don’t think I’ve ever given him the time of day, ever. At the age of nearly 60, I shall continue in this wise pattern of living.
I was a caregiver to a fine gentleman that suffered with Alzheimers for 7 years . A moment did not pass that he didn’t have love and respect bestowed upon him . We continued to hold “MOCK” business meetings with him almost daily and he left this earth feeling he was the head of the family and the provider he had always been . His last words to his wife were , ”I love you ”and she echoed those words back as he was drawing his last breath .
Cindy,
This is one of the most beautiful comments. We played card with my dad even when he played imaginary games.
God bless you! For your commitment and for sharing with us.
Ken
My children spent their young, formative years watching me care for my grandmother who also had alzheimer’s. One day my son, about 6 at the time, asked me: “Will Grandma Ena still get to go to heaven because she doesn’t even remember God anymore?” And I replied with the same words as the man in your story: “She may not remember God but He has not forgotten her!” What a blessing that my kids learned compassion through knowing Grandma Ena!
Pamela,
He never forgets us. What an example he set.
Thank you for reminding us.
Ken
My wife works for a long-term care company, and she told me the tale of one of their patients who had Alzheimer’s. Seems she descended into her own reality where she got a new “boyfirend,” one of the other patients in the home. And yet, her real husband, who loved her with a Christlike love, continued to visit her and set up little “dates” with her boyfriend. Now THAT’S love! We should not discard such opportunities to love as Christ loved us.
My husbands uncle passed away from Alz just this spring. We were there when he took his last breath at home. His wife was able to take cae of him at home, she was much taller then him, and was thankful each day that he was short so she could continue to take care of him, she also made the envionment so loving and caring that you felt it a privilege to have help transfer him, or feed him. People wanted to be at their house even when he was at his “worse” because we all wanted to share in the love this couple had for each other. The only ting that boggled the mind was they were not Christ followers, they didn’t know the complete story of Jesus love but yet they “knew” to love each other “’til death do us part”
Mr. Davis: I applaud you and pray for you…As Howard Goodman once said, “our loved ones and friends are in our past (those that have gone on), but for those people who have accepted Christ as their personal saviour, all those folks are now IN OUR FUTURE!!!” We will see them again and with new bodies and no more pain, no more disease, they will want us with them as much as we will want to be with them. If a divorce here on earth happens because those folks “aren’t here anymore”, then does it seem right that they would want to reunite in the afterlife…??? That just doesn’t make sense to me!!!!! As we know, God doesn’t make “junk”, so who are we to divorce a spouse because they have an illness. The vows were “in sickness and in health ’til death us do part — not divorce…
The response was to a man asking about his uncle who had begun another relationship while the aunt was in a care facility. 1. If the people were unblelievers in a Saviour called “JESUS”, why would they care what a “Christian” thought. 2. If the man was a believer, and felt condemnation in the “extra” relationship outside of his marriage; then the response was out of compassion for the uncle. 3. Where is the compassion for the aunt? It’s found in visiting and loving care.
Vicki,
Thanks so much for your sensitive comments. My mother did not have alzheimer’s, but she had dementia for the last 2-3 years of her life. I remember just sitting with her & holding her hand. She didn’t know me, but she knew she should. And she had such a beautiful smile. She was still my mom, no matter what & I knew she was happy just because I was there. Bless you for writing this.
I too disagree with Pat Robertson although I have deep respect for him. I believe in the marriage vow, ’til death do us part. I take that to mean when our physical body no longer has breath.
I truly appreciated your blog. Just 2 minutes ago my 9 year old asked, “Mom, do you know of anyone who could twinkle thier ears?” I replied with a smiled, “My mom could.” My mother had alzheimer disease and I , like so many, take great offense to Pat Robertson’s thoughts. I AM ever grateful that Pat Robertson is NOT God and his opinion is just that….his!!
Amanda, I want my grandchildren to remember me for Twinkling my ears.
Ken
Thank you for a beautifully written tribute. My mother, who is 83 has Alzheimers, and her primary care person is my 87 year old father. I have long thought Pat Robertson is an idiot, but now he has proven it to anyone who has lived with this disease.
Brought me to tears as my mother is suffering from this horrible, but wrenching disease. And it is so true even though she may grow to no longer know us we will always know her and remember her as the most loving and caring mother we could have ever asked for.
Thank you Ken for sharing this message so true we know who they are even if they do not know us and we can get many blessings if we allow God to work through us to help them.
Your post reminded me of my grandmother in the last years of her life. She suffered from dementia and we had moved her to a nursing home near enough that we could visit her frequently. Almost without fail, as I would approach her she would look at me a smile as she said, “I don’t know who you are, but I know you are mine.” She was a wonderfully caring person and I am proud that I was able to be near her in her last years. I do understand both sides of this scenario and my heart goes out to caregivers whose own lives are put on hold to care for those with dementia of some kind. It is a tragedy for sure.
I wrote to the 700 Club to inform Mr. RObertson how wrong he was in his cold comment. His organization replied with the total transcript from which he is quoted. After reading the whole transcript, Mr. Robertson is even more out of line with his statements. My husband passed away this summer at age 62 from Alzheimer’s. The thought of divorce never once entered my mind. I was too determinded to make sure that my husband had the best care and that I was there to spend those last precious times with him. It is a horrible disease, but my husband faced it with such dignity. We as a family misss him terribly, but are glad that we were a family until the end.
I have never agreed much with what Mr. Robertson has said in the past or with his beliefs, but he owes so many people an apology for his unsensitive remarks.
When Pat Robertson stands before the Lord, God will say, “Pat, you said a lot of things right, and you said a few things wrong; you sometimes let the pondering of your mind escape through your lips before you had it worked out with me in prayer. This embarrassed those closest to you, and it angered a great many of your enemies. But also let me say this to you: Thank you for giving your life to me as a young man. Thank you for heeding my call to walk away from what could have been a lucrative career in Law to enter the ministry and start a tiny little television studio in Tidewater Virginia when everybody thought you were crazy. Thank you for pioneering a Christian TV channel that was the first of its kind, and that I was able to bless and project it around the world in many different nations. And thank you, Pat, that because of your visionary spirit and heart of obedience, the 700 Club has been a tool in my hands to bring hundreds of thousands of people into My kingdom. Pat, I also want to thank you that you allowed me to birth Operation Blessing through you and your wonderful staff of sincere and committed people. Together with our supporters, we have given spiritual and natural aid to tens of thousands of devastated people worldwide. So Pat, other than those few times you really stuck your foot in your mouth, I am happy to say you did most things well. You have been a good and faithful servant who stands or falls before Me alone, and before no other. Enter now, my son, into the joy of the Lord.”
Malcolm,
Yes! Yes! Yes! You are absolutely right. We all should give thanks for the grace extended to us. Your description of Pat’s Life is true of all of us. My intention was never to attack Mr Robertson but only to respond to his comments in light of what our family had experienced. Neither did I expect how this post would proliferate over the next few days. Malcolm, I love your insightful comment and your gentle reminder of God’s grace. Thank you so much for the spirit of your response taking the time to bless us/me with it.
Ken
I would like permission to reprint this. It is a wonderful reminder of the good things God has done and the amazing work of the Cross.
Ken, I saw no vitriol in your blog, only in some of the harsh comments of a few of your readers. I too am dealing with a dad who’s mind is slipping away, and words such as Pat’s were hurtful. But I also know Pat personally, and on the last occasion where we were together, I saw that his aged mind also has slipped. I am sure Dede, Gordon, Tim and others are perplexed as to how to handle the great Patriarch of their clan. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be upon you and yours. Feel free to use my comment. 🙂
I still can’t believe Pat Robertson, of all people, said that. Is it a slip up? is he losing it? It just doesn’t seem like something he would say. Maybe he’s getting too old and is misspeaking. I hope he goes back on and clarifies his thinking on this issue. I’m just baffled.
I have worked in an Alzheimers Dementia unit for almost 8 years and to have heard that someone could say that was very heart wrenching!! They are still the same person they have always been they just have lost there ability to express and communicate!!!But one look in their eyes will tell you they know who loves and cares for them!!Shame on you Pat Robertson!!!
WHEN>>will the followers learn, these preachers are just human..often fail..as the rest of us? I don’t put ministers up on pedestals as they will surely fall off. When they put themselves up on one…mingle with secular society…get caught up with their image…ratings on TV…and fund raising..they often miss the mark! Pat should have learned when he predicted the path of the hurricane…and a couple more predictions.
This is the example of a REAL Christian man loving his wife the way Christ loves the church. Pat Robertson didn’t need to give me another reason to believe he is a false teacher, but he opened his mouth and gave me one anyway. My favorite grandparent died from Alzheimer’s. It was awful. I know he is in heaven with His Savior.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6pX1phIqug&feature=share
Mr. Robertson can say some goofy things from time to time, I’ll grant you. But, in this case, what he actually said was that he understood the need for companionship and that he thought someone else should answer the question, that he was essentially not qualified to do so. In other words, he was giving compassion to the person struggling on the other end of Alzheimers. Please read a transcript of what he actually said before you blast him.
https://www.slate.com/id/2303989/
Thank you for sharing your story and opinion. I agree with you that there is nowhere in which we should ever forsake those whom we love and have loved us. God himself as you say has never and never will forsake us. I had a Great Grandmother that had dementia back in the days when the Alzheimer was called that! She too in the end knew no one in the family and I as a 13 year old helped care and watch her while my Great Aunt worked. We never forsook her and I think in the end she knew that. We did end up having to put her into a nursing facility due to her having fallen and broken her hip. It never fully healed and she went from bad to worst while in the nursing home. The sad part for me was her having told me when I was younger before this happened that she wanted to die in her home which my Great Grandfather built for her. It never happened not because we didn’t want to give her that but because her condition deteriorated to such an extent that my Great Aunt was not able to take care of her at home anymore due to her having to work to pay for her care.
We all helped but it just wasn’t enough as all had lives that required something of us. All loved her and all felt guilty for not giving her what she wanted. I was a student in school, Mom was a mother of 8 children, my Mom’s sister had 5 children to care for and did what she could seeing as she was next door but that wasn’t always possible, my Grandfather and Grandmother worked but I know that God understood and knew we all did what we could for her. We visited when we could. Unfortunately she no longer knew us.
My Grandfather at age 93 presently living has been blessed with a keen mind. Thankfully he doesn’t have the same problem that his mother had. He knows everyone of his grandchildren, great grandchildren, and great great grandchildren by name and face! God has been good to us in that. He too served in the war but in Europe. He was there shortly after the initial landing of Normandy, and stay for the clean up after we won the war. I like you feel it is so wrong to desert them when they have lived for us and loved us while we were young. Just because they can’t speak doesn’t mean that somewhere in their bodies they don’t feel. I just thank God he gave my family values to live by and his word to follow. I can’t begin to understand the mind of Pat Robertson but I do seem to get the feeling that he has begun to lose his! I for one will fight for these who are trapped in mindlessness of a no mans land for they are a person inside as well as outside who is and will be loved. Im so sorry for your loss but know that your Dad is in a better place and when you see him once again he shall know you! God Bless.
Marie
Marie,
Thank you for your comment. I was blessed.
Ken
My aunt has this horrible disease, and she is so lucky to have my cousin taking care of. I’m sure you are very much like her. Her mother doesn’t remember who she is, but she knows my cousin is the one who comes and visits her at the nursing hom. She’s the one who picks her up every Sunday and serves her dinner while she washes her clothes. She goes every Wednesday to wash and style her hair and spend time with her. People like you and my cousin are heroes and someone who’s example we should look up to.
Thank you for putting a human touch and face on the dehumanizing comments made by Robertson.
I thank God for Ken Davis and his dedication to his Dad and his comment. I, too, was surprised at Pat Robertson’s statement…to death do us part.
Thanks so much for making this known and the rebutle. Its that commitment that is truly important for us all. I herd through some news casters that they were concerned that Pat Robertson was having some mental health issues himself. You are truly a blessing to all for sharing such a personal story. Thanks so much..
I think Pat was misguided in some of his logic – but if you go back and listen to the entire segment, it was hardly the proclamation everyone is painting it to be. His worst crime was essentially to sum up the entire argument as “don’t ask me”, as if he had no authoritative source to check. However, to say that he is “proclaiming” that people are free to divorce is way more definitive than anything he actually said.
May I say Mr. Robertson, it takes more than a collar to make a Man of God just as it takes more than a name badge to make a Cadillac. I pray that God will open your eyes; it’s about His Glory…. not your comfort.
Hi Ken,
My mom has Alzheimer’s and she is getting closer to late stages…Its a continual feeling of grief that doesn;t go away. I come from 500 miles away monthly now to see her and will til she passes… but I am writing to tell you I have 2 very moving songs about her that I have written , and if you have a place to use them in your ministry, let me know and I will get them to you, One is called, When She Can’t Remember Me, and the other is called, The Memory of Your Love, These will be part of an album of songs about the old “forgotten folks”. I have about 5 songs now…… thanks,
Diana