You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “A Tribute to My Dad, a POW, and a Veteran of Two very Different Wars”.
You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “A Tribute to My Dad, a POW, and a Veteran of Two very Different Wars”.
Comments
I read your post with a truckload of empathy. My father-in-law had dementia, not the Alzheimer’s kind, but serious dementia nevertheless. We cared for him in our home as long as we were able, and despaired when we had to put him in a nursing home. I knew how dignified he had been, and I thought no one would love him the way we did or understand his dignity. After he died, God allowed me to see his caretakers one last time as they shared how dignified Mr. Dooley was. It relieved my mind, knowing that they understood.
I would never cut off a person with any kind of dementia from those who love him or her.
Thank you for your response to Pat Roberson. No one is dead until the heart stops. I can’t imagine turning my back on a loved one because they are so ill they do not know who I am. I really appreciate the story added. God bless you.
Pat, thank you for your comment.
Ken
I was caregiver to my mother who is in heaven now and she had alzheimers and parkinsons. I was also stunned that Pat would make such a comment. It is a heartbreaking disease but I would not give up a minute of the time I got to spend with her in her last days. She forgot a lot but she still knew me and my sister by name although she sometimes thought we were her nurse. She also never forgot how to pray and still talked to God each day. I love and miss her and my Dad and will see them again someday. I wonder if Pat knows someone in his immediate family with the same problems. What an awful comment, hope he realizes the offense he has done to those who has. God Bless all those who are caring and loving enough to stay with their loved ones no matter what.
Kay, Thank you Kay. God will bless you for contributing to this conversation.
Ken
Ken,
You know, I have worked with memory care patients, still do song time and Bible Stories with them because others do not want to, they think it’s a waste of time. I am convinced that it is the physical stuff that has broken down, but the spirit doesn’t miss a beat. May not be able to communicate now but I’m not convinced that they do not know you are there! I could list countless examples but suffice it to say, I believe one day in eternity, they’ll tell ya, hey, thanks for being there, it meant a lot!
For what it’s worth…
Pastor Bob
Eveleth, MN
Bob,
I grew up near Eveleth. Lived on Ely lake for many years. I love your comment. The spirit doesn’t miss a beat. Thank you for commenting.
Ken
I just want to say Thank you, that was very heartwarming.
YOu are welcome Beth.
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Dear Ken,
My dad took care of my mother with Alzheimer’s for 10 years. He ignored his own health all that time. He made a promise to mother to never put her in the nursing home and he kept that promise. She passed away in November and the following May we found out that dad had severe heart problems. He had had several heart attacks and his heart was barely functioning when he finally gave in to go to the doctor. Never once did he ever say a bad thing about taking care of mother. Since then he has also taken care of his elderly sister. I have the most precious dad in the world.
I wonder how Pat Roberson would feel if he were in that woman’s place and his whole family decided to go on with their lives. After all, the would just say, “he is not there”.
Jenny, God bless your dear Dad. The right thing isn’t always the easiest thing. Thank you for commenting.
Ken
We love Pat Robertson and his ministry with 700 Club, but are really sad about his “proclamation.” Thank you for sharing this about your father. We totally disagree with Pat on this, and appreciate your sharing about your dad. Please pray continue to pray for Pat; he does not always give good advice, but he has provided some very encouraging broadcasts for our family. Thank you for the reminder of the sanctity of life.
I too was saddened by this. It is not my intention to attack Pat but to speak up on the behalf of those who cannot speak for themselves. Thanks Richard and Eseta
As the wife of wonderful husband which this terrible disease has took over, I really enjoyed reading your blog. I am appalled at what Mr. Robertson had said. What happen to the vows that says For better or worse, in sickness and in health. We have been married 29 years and I believe in those vows just as I did when I first repeated them. This is not easy being caretaker for someone with this dreaded disease, but he is my husband and I know that I can do all things through Christ which strengtheth me.
I was shocked to hear what Mr. Robertson said, he too can fall victim to this horrible disease, how awful to have someone say anything negative like that and to think that he claims to represent the ‘evangelical christian’, well, gotta tell you, he does not speak for me! He will have to answer to Jesus someday! I don’t think that for a moment Christ would want us to walk away from our family and friends over a disease. Thanks so very mcuh for your words of compassion and honesty! Blessings ~
Donna,
You are welcome. I could not be silent.
Ken
My grandmother has this disease. It is very sad and not an easy situation, but if my grandfather began dating someone else while she was still alive then I wouldn’t want them to stay married either. I think the media is really taking things out of context. The man Mr. Robertson was talking about was not respecting his marriage vows.
Melissa,
Your last sentence is so right. Thank you.
Ken
Your story is very touching and I agree with you 100%. I think that one day Pat Robertson will have to answer for all the STUPID stuff he has said. He is a very uncaring and nonforgiving “minister” in my opinion.
Ruth,
Thank you for your comment
Ken
Ah, the infinite value of one life, one soul. What a moving reminder of that value. John 3:16
Linda,
Priceless!
Ken
Thank you for writing this. My mother died in July of 2009 of Alzheimer’s disease. I came home from the mission field for three months to be able to stay with her in the hospital after a major stroke. She never got to go back home. She had been battling with Alzheimer’s for a while, but the entire three months she never said my name. I went every day with my Dad to be with her, no less than 10 hours a day. I remember sitting in the corner of her hospital room as she told my Dad to have the police come and “get that girl in the corner out of her room”! Why would anyone go under those circumstances? For the same reason you wrote about. I KNEW HER and I knew she wouldn’t want to be alone.
Sherri, God bless you.
Ken
Thank you! I so relate to this. You could have been talking about my parents. My father’s physical healing happened 11 years ago when he stepped into the presence of his Savior. Mom still misses him as do all of us.
Ellen,
When dad died, our greatest hope came that finally he was free. Thank you.
Ken
Please check out his entire quote. He has been misquoted and had the statement taken out of context. My grandmother also had Alzheimer’s disease. It was heart-breaking for the entire family. When I first saw the news clips of Pat Robertson I furious. Then I dug a little deeper. He was speaking to a certain man who had already started dating other women. He said it would be better if he made sure she was taken care of and divorce her than to cheat on her. He also said that he is not the person to answer that question…
Debbie,
I will post the entire quote tomorrow. He was not misquoted. I will post it word for word. I do appreciate your commenting.
Ken
Oh Kent:
My heart goes out to you. I’ve been there, done that, as they say. Listen to my story. After my daddy was moved into a nursing home due to advanced dementia, my mother’s doctor recommended she go to counseling. Her counselor suggested she start dating since Dad was “gone” now. My brothers and I couldn’t believe it. We put up so much resistance that she dropped the idea.
How very sad it is that some individuals so quickly write off folks when they are no longer cognizant. Makes me want to “jerk a knot in their tail,” as my dad used to say. Daddy, I miss you. Every day.
Diane,
Thank you!
Ken
Robertson didn’t say divorce was better than staying with an afflicted spouse. He said divorce was better than adultery. In the situation presented to him, the husband was already seeing another woman. Robertson’s answer was that the man should get a divorce “if he’s going to do something.” Again, you may object. But the point of Robertson’s answer was that the man shouldn’t go on dating while married.
I was speechless and appalled when I read Pat Robertson’s thoughts on Alzheimer’s; it made me sick in my heart. My dad passed away at the age of 67; he had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s just 5 short years earlier. Mom was his caregiver, and she would not have had it any other way. Approximately 6 weeks before his passing was their 40th wedding anniversary. Did he remember it? No. But she did.
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for your wonderful article. God commands us to love one another and to help our fellow mankind. How is Mr. Robertson doing either with his callous comment to cast those in need aside?
https://www.slate.com/id/2303989/?GT1=38001
We all say stupid stuff. My Dad said often ”Think before you speak!” oh… Yours too?
Pat would have loved your dad, laid hands on him and prayed for him.
—
Would you pray for and old Pat R – that he keeps his mind? That God gives him clarity of mind and sharpness of thinking, that the wisdom given to older saints can be expressed well and understood by many.
I work with people who have this disease and are visited faithfully by family members. I am grateful that God knows them and cares for them! I am blessed by them each and every day. They teach me something new even if they don’t know my name!
My grandmother had Alzheimer’s – and we still visited and cared for her as we could – because we still knew her and who she was – grandmother, mother, and wonderful Christian woman. Even when she didn’t know anyone or anything else, she still knew and would sing the old hymns (her face would just light up) when our church groups would do visitations. I always loved that.
Thank you for speaking out! My mother suffered with Alzheimers for 17 years. In the last years when she knew no one and could not do anything for herself or anyone else, my husband said something very profound that has stayed with me: She’s here for us.
Thank you so much for your kind words. My dad has dimentia and as we grieve as he slips away I do not waver in my love for him. He is still my daddy and that does not change. I would never have stopped being his daughter if I had his illness.
Wow, I wonder what would have happened if Mr. Robertson had publicly instructed Mrs. Reagan and her family to move on with their lives and ‘divorce’ President Reagan as he suffered the ravages of Alzheimers, since he ‘was no longer there.’ This latest proclamation is shameful and without honor.
You have reminded me of the reality of my own life. I am the caregiver of my father who has vascular dementia. It is similar to Alzheimer’s. Tears welled up in my eyes as I read. You see I am still going through the transition of dealing with this horrible disabling disease. For me it has been hard to go see Dad as he slowly sinks into abyss of dementia. He’s in a wheel chair now, plays with his upper lip most the time, doesn’t know me or any family member, and seems lost in the recesses of his mind, what the disease hasn’t destroyed. I love him but the pain is some times too much to visit daily. You helped me see another point of view.
Thank you.
This brought tears to my eyes. I have never been a fan of Pat Robertson, but his recent comment has further convinced me that he knows little about the nature of God. As imperfect humans, we can commit all kinds of horrible sins, but God will never abandon us. He will always rush to our side when we cry out for him, and he watches over us even when we don’t recognize he is there. I think Robertson would do well to ask the question, “What would Jesus do?” I have no doubt that Jesus would stick by a person until the bitter end, even if that person’s mind no longer works the way it should. Just because someone you love has Alzheimer’s disease doesn’t mean you cease to love him or her. And in the end, isn’t that what God is all about? Love?
We have a couple in our church that the wife has had Alzheimer’s for about 5 years now and at this point is losing the ability to swallow. Her husband has been her sole caregiver, takes her everywhere with him and still brings her to church every Sunday. You only have to watch him with her for 5 minutes and you realize how deep his love is for her. Does she know who he is anymore? No, but his love has not waivered. You can not imagine the impact this visual example has had on the young people of our church including myself. We have had several weddings this year in our church and all of the young couples have said that his example has made the wedding vows so much more real and understandable to them. I have had many conversations with this gentleman through the years and the stages of the disease, what an inspiration he has been. What Mr. Robertson said is not only shocking but inexcusable in my opinion.
Everything is forgivable, or God won’t forgive you or hear your prayers! If man was perfect then Jesus would have died in vain! If you knew Pat’s story, then you would forgive him, he is elderly now too, do you have different standards? I have lost a few people in my life to Alzheimer’s, one was my aunt who was as close as a mother to me. It is a very difficult thing to watch and be a part of. What Pat said was way out in left field, and everyone knows that he was wrong, but you need to let go and forgive.
I didn’t say it was unforgivable, just that there is no excuse for him saying what he said with the knowledge that he has. I should have further noted, of course, unless he himself is suffering from a mental problem that would construe his thinking. I agree with you. Of course it is not unforgivable, but it is unbiblical.
I am going to repost my response to the whole thing. I too have lost loved ones with Alzheimer’s. My repost: Pat is only human, like the rest of us! He has said some zingers over the years! It is quite apparent that he has different rules for men and women. He did slip up when he answered that question, big time. People ask the questions to get the biblical answers, not his worldly ones. If they wanted a worldly answer they would go to the world, and that answer would be the general consensus in the matter. The biblical view, is first God hates divorce unless it is adultery, second Jesus said “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, third, we are here on Earth for spiritual growth and purification, and to bring us all to the knowledge that Jesus is Lord, we must endure the fires of life, hand in hand with the Lord, including staying faithful to a partner that can’t fully be one back. Our rewards are in Heaven not here on Earth, feeding the desires of the flesh. Our relationship is with the Lord, He is our constant. These trials strengthen our faith, hope and endurance for what is yet to come and brings us closer to the Lord. Another thing that the Lord commanded was to forgive others so we can be forgiven, and we forgive you Pat! God has had His Hand on the 700 Club and CBN since the start, it was God’s Plan from the beginning not Pat Robertson’s, Pat was and is just a vessel in His plan and it has been awesome watching God at work through all of this from the start! Don’t stop supporting the 700 Club because of what Pat said, God is at work there, and it does so much! Put your faith in God not man!
Ken, that was a beautiful tribute to your dad and family!
Ken, When did God step aside and ask Pat Robertson to change the rules? I myself have been diagnosed with MCI-mild cognitive impairment
and no-one but God knows where that may lead . I have a supportive husband and told him that the door is open if he wanted to jump ship -his response was :”you wouldn’t leave me -why would I leave you-quit talking crazy- we are in this together” . I feel sorry for Pat Robertson’s loved ones if they ever become ill-he would probably leave them in a heartbeat! He calls himself a Man of God????? We must love a different God or he makes up his own rules as he sees fit. Thank You for listening, Mari
Yes! I am a “volunteer visitor” in “nursing Homes”. People forget that we are first and foremost spirit beings. Therefore I pray in the Spirit that our God ministers to that aspect of the being which can not otherwise be accessed through the temporal/natural realm.eg language. Amen. Karenp
So thankful for your Godly wisdom and reply to Pat Robertson and for your obvious love and respect for your dad, apparently your hero. I wonder if Robertson considered before he spoke that one day he might have a debilitating disease, and then what?
Mr. Davis, God bless you and God bless and protect your dad.
Thank you for your post!!!
What happened until death do us part…A loved one is a loved one until they are with Jesus! I too can’t imagine turning my back on a loved one.
How do I know I won’t end my life with Alzheimer’s disease? And If I do, how do I know I won’t know my loved ones coming to see me? Will I know I am abandoned because I am “not there”? I have seen spouses come to see their loved ones every day, read to them, play music for them, and gently kiss them. Just because an Alzheimer patient doesn’t respond, doesn’t mean they can’t sense they are loved or abandoned because they “aren’t there”? Horrible!
The answer to his blog question? Let’s ask Pat what agreement he has with Dede Robertson? Or, he may have forgot (Ken David humor)!
The answer to his blog question? Let’s ask Pat what agreement he has with Dede Robertson? Or, he may have forgot(Ken Davis humor)!
Thank you for this blog post. My father had Alzheimer’s Disease, passing away in 2009. Though he could no longer communicate and did not seem to know specifically who we were, he always seemed pleased to have a visit from us. His greatest joy was when I would bring my young son to see him. He always recognized Perry, and one time even surprised us by saying “There’s my boy!” The vacant stare would be replaced with very animated facial expressions and smiles whenever his youngest grandchild was near, and Perry would eagerly sit on Pop-pop’s lap and touch his face. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed. Even the nursing home staff noticed the change in my Dad whenever we would come to visit. Mom would hold his hand, and his posture and facial expression would visibly relax. I also have worked for nine years in social work with the elderly and nursing home bound. I understand the pain of having a loved one with dementia who doesn’t “know” you anymore. And many times they don’t respond to visits by family, BUT the patients who had family faithfully visit and talk with them, hold their hand, definitely had a better overall quality of life. It takes maturity, compassion, genuine love and faithfulness that comes from the heart of Christ Himself to care for a spouse or parent with dementia. The person seeking a divorce from their ill spouse is simply selfish and shallow. I would question if they ever truly loved them. How very sad.
Ken…how elequently you spoke. I would hope that Pat Robertson gets similar feedback as he clearly needs to do some attitude adjusting and develop some sensitivity for those of us who love and support someone struggling with this dreaded disease. Thank you for taking the time to challenge his thinking and for sharing your thoughts publicly. Mary
Two songs you must hear; both of them recorded by Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver. One is entitled “Saving Grace”. The other is “He Will Remember Me”. Have your tissues handy. These are difficult to listen to, but everyone should hear them! Blessings, Terry
If someone were to follow this counsel, what would they say as they stand before God at the end when He asks ‘why did you forsake them’?
As people living in faith, aren’t we each to try our very best to walk in a Christ-like manner? If so, does Pat Roberteson really believe that Christ would walk away from His wife? I know all of us stray away from time to time, but to come out in public with such an obviously radical opinion (for that is what it is) makes those of faith look stupid – and we already know there’s enough of that going on in this country right now.
Ken,
It has been a long time since I talked to you.
Mark sent me your blog on what Pat Robertson said about divorcing a spouse who has Alzheimer’s disease. I heard him say it the other day on a replay of his program.
Maybe, he has Alzheimer’s.
I do not know what Bible he has been reading, but I can’t find it in The King James Version.
Thanks for posting your Blog. I pray that it will circle the globe.
Love in JESUS’ Name,
Charles Lowry
Charles from Webb Chapel? If so this is Michelle, Joe Websters daughter. I have been trying to get in touch with you and could use your sage advice.
Ken, thank you for your loving words that affirm the importance of loving and supporting family members, no matter what. My father also died of Alzheimer’s. No one abandoned him; no one declared him dead before he died!
I just had to say thank you. It disturbs me to no end what Pat Robertson said. It is till death do us part. So if his wife gets it will he leave her? Well let me tell you. I worked in many a nursing homes in my days. I have seen a number of husbands stay by the side of there wives holding hands, combing hair feeding. It made my day i prayed that no matter what i would take care of my family they were an inspiration to me. I was able to take care of my grandmother when she got sick. She didn’t have Alzemeirs. It meant the world to her. God Bless those who stick to there wives or husbands God will bless them.
This was beautiful, thank you. What an incredible shame that Pat Robertson would take that stance, what happened to “in SICKNESS and in health”.
Thank you Ken for a wonderful message.
Maybe Robertson has Alzheimer’s (seriously!)
I wonder what sort of a relationship this man had with his wife that he is looking for a divorce because she has this dreaded disease. What about till death do we part, well until you die you are still alive, no matter what our physical condition. I thank God my husband isnt like that..and that he doesnt watch Pat Robertson.