You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “A Tribute to My Dad, a POW, and a Veteran of Two very Different Wars”.
You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “A Tribute to My Dad, a POW, and a Veteran of Two very Different Wars”.
Comments
What an excellent response to such an uncaring comment. This has to be the best article/blog on such a heart wrenching situation. I will not comment on my feelings about Pat R….but your post says it all.
I absolutely, totally agree with you. What a heartless attitude Pat Robertson has taken toward alheimer’s patients.
I’ve never had to deal with that disease in any of my family, other than some dementia, and I’ve always thought it would be the most heartbreaking of all illnesses to deal with, but not to the point that you would discard a loved one.
My stepfather, too, was a prisoner of war and marched in the Death March. He died several years ago, but always had bad dreams of those days.
These men should be honored for that time in their lives, alone, much less for the obstacles they overcame to become fathers and productive citizens. They should never be discarded.
That brought tears to my eyes. The good kind. Thank you Ken for being a voice of reason. I love your heart!
Give God the Glory and Praise Him.. for the precious caretakers of those who suffer from any type health condition
As someone who had two grandfathers deal with forms of Alzheimer’s and/or Parkinson’s, I can deeply relate to this story. I will never forget the last time I saw my grandfather, in the hospital. After years of mistakenly addressing me by names other than my own, when I said, “I love you Grandpa.” He said, just as clearly as possible, “I love you too, Marcus.” Yes, indeed, he still knew who I was. Largely because of this experience, I wrote a poem for my wife entitled, “My Heart Will Know Your Name”. You can read it here: https://blog.marcusrowe.com/2011/01/25/my-heart-will-know-your-name/
That’s beautiful.
Discerning and compassionate article Ken. No one can curtail Pat Robertson’s opinions but I wish that readers themselves would cease to consider highly profiled christian personalities as the source of truth when on this and other occasions, the forthcoming advice is clearly disassociated from biblical values. From now on simply ignore comments from individuals who have disconnected from reliable interpretation.
Right on Ken! Seems someone forgot the scriptural foundations that back up the vowels of “in sickness and in health” and “until DEATH do us part”.
I’m glad that the proclamation of a mere mortal doesn’t affect true love. Love that laid down His life for the proud and the humble, the rich and poor, the broken and the whole, the young and old, the caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients and those with Alzheimer’s, the scoffers and truth tellers. I respect and appreciate your story of faithfulness!
Thank you for sharing this. My husband has had Alzheimer’s for 8 years now. He is only 65 years old. I just recently had to put him in a nursing home because caring for him myself was wearing on me. But I go see him daily. I know he still knows me when I can get his attention. I also know his Spirit man is very much alive. He responds to Spirit things. There is no way I could divorce him. I am still proud to be his wife. God bless you!
God bless you, Joyce!
Thank you for this – thank you thank you thank you! Can I just say that anyone that would even think that – to divorce a spouse that is sick – is not a person of character. So many people don’t realize that it is not sometimes the person going through the journey but those that journey with them that grow the most and are changed the most. God uses hard times not just for that one person but for all those experiencing things personally. When are we going to stop thinking that life is all about feeling good for myself – holiness doesn’t come easy!
Ken – that was a wonderful post. Amen!
Four words, Ken:
OUT OF THE BALLPARK!!!
Ken,
I admire your devotion to your father in this sad circumstance. I disagree with Pat Robertson’s statement, if it was made as you report. What struck me as I read the comments of others was the animus toward Mr. Robertson. I would guess that he is in a different theological camp from you and them, and thus, he is fair game for contempt because he made a wrong statement. Frankly, I find this lack of grace toward Robertson every bit as offensive as his statement. Your love for you Dad is admirable. Please find some for Mr. Robertson. Jesus was serious about loving. He said we must even “love our enemies.” And, I don’t really think Pat Robertson could reasonably be considered the enemy of anyone who has posted here.
With all due respect Dane, Mr Robertson KEEPS making uncompassionate statements over and over again. While certainly everyone has a right to to their theological opnion, Mr Robertson is in a position of being a “voice” through the media. Once or twice, its a mistake. Over and over again, he needs to be fired even if he owns the thing. Someone needs to step in and talk to the man and get him off the air. He is hurting the witness of Christians everywhere.
Dane, You are very misguided with your devotion to Pat Robertson. He continues to repeatedly show himself to be not only unkind, but ignorant. He is the sort of Christian leader that leads many away from Christianity. He is the antithesis of a Christian.
Dane,
Where is the lack of grace. Since when is disagreeing with someone the same as not loving them.
I never said I did not love Pat Robertson. Only that his statement made me question what he would do with my father. The transcript will be posted soon. Disagreeing with someone is NOT the same as not loving someone. I do appreciate your participation in the discussion.
Ken.
Perhaps Pat Robertson is beginning to suffer from malady which has inhibited him from embracing his soul and its urgings, relenting instead to self-serving justification attempts.
This is a demonstration of loss of leadership qualifications, he should step down from Ministry before he hurts too many other souls.
Heidi,
I have had many people ask me the same question. My concern is how his statements contradict what the Bible says.
Ken
The media loves to distroy believers. Again they have taken one small phrase out of 3 or 4 minutes of a very compassionate answer to a question. You can watch it on 700 Club online. The media’ take on it is totally dishonest. It is a shame that we cannot trust what our own media publishes
Andrea, this was not a small phrase. It was the whole answer. Even Terri was taken aback by his statement. He messed up and he needs to ask forgiveness for a careless, unbiblical statement.
Andrea,
This is not a small phrase. I will post the transcript. It is a philosophy that I disagree with. As much as I detest the slant of the media they were right on this time. The fact that they jumped on this can be blamed on nothing but the view that Mr Robertson clearly proclaimed. I
Ken
my mother had severe dementia and alzheimers and after 8 years finally went to be with her husband , my dad, on their would have been 75th. wedding anniversary. look on utube find chet atkins singing “I still can’t say goodby” you will like this and you will cry but you will remember good times. mom and dad are with jesus. sonny
Sonny,
I am so sorry for your loss. One thing we can rejoice in is the hope the heaven holds for our loved ones who have suffered so.
Ken
Just want you to know that my mother has Alzheimers as well and will always be my mother. Her love and caring for me will always be a special part of my life and even though she continues to degrade she will always be Mom to me and I will always love her. I sure God has a special place for those with Alzheimers.
Bless you Dennis. Thank you for your comment.
Ken
Thank you for commenting on this issue. After hearing what Pat Robertson said, my husband looked at me and said…Even if you get Alzheimer’s, you will still be my wife.
There is peace and joy in the committment of my husband. Thanks again.
Charity,
You married a good man. Bless you for commenting.
Ken
Thank you for this beautifully written piece. May God bless you.
You are welcome Sandy.
Ken
Thank you for writing this!!! My dad suffered for many years with Alzheimer’s so therefore did we, his family. I lived 1000 miles away & didn’t see him as often as I would like so it was no surprise when I was the first he didn’t recognize. He would confuse my oldest sister as being other people, but seem to almost always know the middle sister who did visit him most often. There were some times when my mother felt he didn’t know her, but we encouraged her by saying he did…although in my mind I wasn’t certain. The last time she saw him he gave her the best gift he could by calling her name & then saying, “I still love you!” They may seem to be gone for years & then suddenly surprise us! We can never stop being their family and a part of their lives!!! Shame on Pat Robertson & his uneducated opinion!!!!!
For many years now I have been caring for my husband who has Parkinson’s Disease and the dementia that often goes along with it. He has lost many of the abilities he used to have, but that doesn’t mean that he stopped being himself. I know that my husband is still “in there.” I love him just as much now as I ever did. Yes, I miss the man that he used to be. Sometimes I miss him so much it hurts. But then I look in his eyes, and I know how much he still loves me.
Bless you Anita, Your commitment is honorable and blessed hope for anyone who faces these diseases. I prayed tonight that God would give you strength.
Ken
Ken,
I’m so glad you wrote this blog posting. So sorry for what your family, but especially your Dad, went through with Alzheimer’s disease. I find it very disturbing that Robertson would so callously throw away a marriage. Living for eternity, rather than for tomorrow, requires hard living sometimes. It requires love as a decision every day – not a convenient divorce and a new spouse. How sad for Pat that he has brought this controversy on himself! May the love of God change his heart!
I commend you and your family – you honored your father at the end of his life – you are reaping the rewards of that faithfulness already with more to come in eternity. Blessings!
Cheryl, My sisters and my mom were the main caregivers. My hope is that by speaking up this blog will still honor his life and the faith he held so dear.
Ken
beautiful post, ken. thank you for taking the statement and making it personal. hope pete and i get to see you and diane soon!
Never been a fan of Robertson anyway, but all I can say is, “Shame on you!” I wept openly after reading this and can’t imagine in a million years what Robertson was thinking when he uttered those words. What happened to, “In sickness and in health”? I’ve said over and over again that it is probably a blessing that my late husband did not go on life support before his death, because as long as there was a warm hand to hold I would have sat by that bed and held it. How does Robertson know that a person “is not there”? God has not given him entrance into that person’s mind or soul! How does he claim to know what measure of recognition one person has for another just because the reaction does not match our expectation? Sorry for the soap box, but this really struck a nerve. Kudos to you Ken Davis for your thoughtful words.
Oh my goodness! You are one of our favorite comedians and yet, here, you made me cry! I am honored to know You were there for your dad. Now when my kids are asking for yet, another DVD with you on it–well, I know I can get it as you are definitely a man to emulate! I can only pray my children will honor me in such a way!
What deep respect and admiration I have for you! Thank you for speaking up on this topic, and for being willing to share an intimate slice of your personal life. You certainly have the authority and experience and heart to speak on this subject. So thankful that you’re willing to speak truth!
Thank you so much Ken. My father also recovered from Alzheimers in Heaven. I have never really put alot of ‘stock’ in what Pat Robertson says. I don’t think that was of God. i would LOVE to hear him retract that statement.
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful story, and your heart. You’re quite right on this.
I’ll never forget the countless days my Grandpa would go to the nursing home to visit Grandma for lunch and supper, help feed her and tuck her in at night and lay beside her til her pretty blue eyes fell fast asleep. He told me repeatedly how he would pray for my husband, that he would love me the way he loved Joanie, and took care of her and for God to bring me that kind of man. I can say God has answered that prayer. Grandma had Alzheimer’s for almost 10 years before passing. I’m very grateful for my Grandpa’s example of God’s love he expressed so consistently,and selflessly to his bride.
Ken, my mother recently passed after 12 years with this horrid disease and she was a hero of the faith and a patriot as well.
I agree with you that Pat was not so wise or careful in his over-empathy with the grieving early processes of the husband. Nor did he take the significance of the marital vows as seriously as he should. But in fairness I believe Pat did say that the husband should make certain the spouse with Alzheimer disease had the best medical attention, not utter abandonment.
That said, I’m still more with you than Pat. I would hasten to add that our major media who perpetually seek to trivialize marriage and change its definition so broadly to be nearly meaningless, strike me as overly sensitive about marriage importance and vows and such. Some of the eagerness to toss Pat along with his wrongheaded counsel here ‘under the bus’ are motivated by more than meets the eye.
Thanks for honoring your father! You can hear me do the same for my mother and father on my web with which I shared with you above. It is under under the link for ‘Parents’. My father has passed on also and was at the Normandy invasion. Never spoke of it nor complained of his pain in his last weeks. Amazing legacies.
Hey Ken. Great blog.
Personally, my memory is getting shorter each day, mostly because of my wonderful yet ravenous two boys.
But I do recall at my wedding a very specific phrase “Til death do us part”.
I said yes. So, that’s the plan I’m on.
Wonderful reading about your Father. Thanks for sharing…
Did you actually see the entire segment of Pat Robertsons comment – the whole vidoe? If you had, I don’t think you would have positioned your opinion the way you have. The question put to Pat was “should I have a physical relationship with another woman outside of my marriage while my wife suffers from Alzheimers”. Pat goes into great detail on being in a faithful marriage but you didn’t write about that. He goes onto say that this is a personal decision and that he doesn not condone that this man is having an affair while being married but you diddnt write about that. Pat was sympathetic to the situation not approving of his infadelity. I question where you got this information and was it sourced correctly, which you have not. I’m very sorry for the loss of your father but you made a big jump in your opinion from what you wrote and what was actaully said.
You are a beacon in the dark. It is unfortunate that some of the people who have given Christ’s teachings have inserted their own ideas into the Word. You have said it well. Being a nurse I have worked with many Alzheimer cases and you are right – they are! They are there. Never forget. Mr. Robertson needs to get on his knees and ask forgiveness of the Lord and His church. Unfortunately there will be people who will follow this man’s teachings. Pray for them.
I seriously doubt that Pat Robertson is in his right mind. Either that or he started something he was not really stoppping to think through.
Pat has said some fairly odd things in the past, but never contradicted the word of God.
Just think, He too could be facing dementia or some such thing. don’t be surprised if he is soon “Off of the air”
To add my thought, he is saying, If your wife or husband is in a coma ,or un conscious, its ok to just walk away and do as if they are DEAD”. that is not biblical. God help the ones who believed him. How sad
I’ve followed Pat for a long time and I too was saddened by his comment. Those of us who have been affected in one way or another by this disease can’t help but be concerned about his attitude.
I wept through this whole blog as I remembered sad circumstances in my life. Until God calls each person home,I believe he/she is still with us no matter what the capacity of understanding is in their minds. Their spirits are still with us.
I’m so sad right now. It isn’t right and Pat needs to re-think his position.
With a grateful heart….
WOW..I was saddened,angry,then thought how sad that someone the world has looked up to and admired would say something like that..Man is released to divorce becasue of health issues? Whta happened to For better or for worse..I lost a lot of respect for Pat Robertson today..He needs to go back and re-read the Bible..Nowhere in there does it say,because your spouse is sick,can you divorce…This world has enough sin,to add this to it..I lived with this disease with my Grandma,and my Papa NEVER left her side..He was there from beginning to end..He climbed in bed with her as she was leaving to meet Jesus and walked her home..There needs to be more people like this in this world..God Bless us all…
Thanks for sharing this. The point of caring for the poor (poor in health, mental faculties, or financial) is that we are sharing the love God has given to others. It’s not an act of giving to receive, but an act of giving without expecting something in return.
God leaves the poor among us for a reason. We may not understand all His reasons, but we are still called to give and to love. I would hope my wife would care for me, so I would also expect the same of myself toward her. And I believe the Lord expects that of each of us as well.
Thank you for sharing this. My Mother had Alzheimer’s; I cannot imagine abandoning her. No matter what her situation or struggles were, she was always my Mom. Nothing could ever change that.
I have worked in a vet’s home where people were in beginning stages of alzheimers–and other diseases–parkinsons, etc. I treated each one as my grandparents–getting on their eye level as I talked to them, finding something we had in common to talk about, trying to find something to remember them by. I made the rounds every morning and night–every day–greeting them by name–trying to joke with them. Because I knew them, I was able to stop one man who wanted to wheel his wheelchair out onto a busy road–his only desire was a thick peice of beef steak. I was able to get that for him –and in the midst of our talk, the nurses were able to get his medicine to calm him into him, and a wanderguard onto his wheelchair–so that he would set off alarms if he got outside. At 83, what bad waas there in a fatty peice of beef? He knew where the flavor was. He promised me he would be there–I drove 5 minutes to a deli and got the fattest peice of beef they had. And raced back. He was waiting patiently. Oh the smile on his face. I found out that recreation had stopped taking him on outings because of his wheelchair–so he never had a chance to buy his own fatty beef anymore. I wrote it into his careplan that recreation would take him independantly on outings so that he could go and purchase his roast beef and get out of the nursing home every two weeks. I found many discrepancies of people that were being kept confined by one or another peice of the home. I tried to find ways to help them all feel like they had rights and freedoms. When we are held against our will, we are prisoners. And even though you cannot speak anymore, you still have feelings. And will act out in ways against those feelings. When I saw unhappiess, I looked for the underlying reason.
What a beautiful response. You are so totally right, and I think all that you have said can be applied equally to anyone who is suffering from some mental condition (I’m thinking of children born with mental challenges).
I am hoping that Pat Robertson’s heart was wanting to help someone who was facing the situation and wanting to relieve them of the guilt. Not justifying him in any way, but hoping that his motives were at least related to love. Nevertheless, I totally agree that his advice/comment was off base and not a true Christian perspective.
I know that those who claim to be Christian (and those who truly are followers of Christ) can have such divergent view points on different issues. And it is so sad to see finger pointing within the body of Christ, which is why my desire is to hope that his misjudgment came from a loving heart rather than a worldly, calloused heart. Yet, I realize that responses such as yours that bring us back to recognizing the God-given worth of a life being decimated by a disease like Alzheimer’s is necessary and so important. As Christians, we must continually hold up truth to one another, especially when a brother or sister in the Lord offers a comment that is at odds with the Gospel and the attitude/mind of Christ.
Thank you!!
Thank you so much for writing this. My brothers and I and most of our 31 cousins have stared this horrible disease in the face as Alzheimer’s has claimed 9 of 11 in my father’s family. My Dad is not so bad yet, but has started the long walk down that road. He will always be my Dad, no matter what. Our mother is holding the biggest burden at this time, but eventually she/we will need to make other arrangements. Hopefully that day is several years off, yet.
Sorry, this was meant to be in the general comments, not as a reply to a specific post.
Ken, you are so right on target, and Robertson is so wrong. The phrase “she is not there” is exactly the phrase that those who advocate geriatric euthanasia use — and there are many. And this hideous philosophy does not stop with the mental deficiencies of the aged, for if they can no longer move, control their body functions, feed themselves, or manage their aches and pains quietly, it is a very small step to “putting them to sleep” like a pet.
To abandon a parent or a child or a spouse based on whether they are “there” are not is both barbaric and ungodly, and Robertson has clearly crossed the line from absolute Christlike principles to something reprehensible and biblically indefensible.
last paragraph should read “or not” rather than “are not.” I hope that doesn’t indicate something about my mental state (I’m joking, sort of!).
Awesome post! THANK YOU! I shared your link on my facebook page, today.
Blessing,
Andrea Bowling Perdue
Thank you for writing this in response to the irresponsible and un-Christian comment by Pat Robertson.
Did you actually hear what Pat said or read the transcript? Find it here for clarification: https://www.slate.com/id/2303989/
Thank you for sharing the real context of Dr. Robertson’s statement.
My uncle cared for my aunt(my mother’s younger sister) for 5 years before she went into a nursing home and then until she died 5 years late, visited her every day and gave her lunch every day. The last 5 years she only knew him as a “nice old man” who gave her lunch. Now my own mother is suffering from short term memory loss (non-Alzheimer’s dementia; same as her sister) so she still knows us, but doesn’t carry on conversations any more. She loves our visits and adores her grands and great grands!! I was HORRIFIED at Pat Robertson.
I have considered your comments but while I do not subscribe to Pat Robertson’s views, I also do not condone your attempts to discredit him. I am not necessarily a follower of Robertson, but you could have more gently reflected his intent. Did he say anything about casting off or discarding a spouse? Because we disagree strongly with someone is not justified reason enough to misrepresent and exercise vitriol. One wrong is not less significant than the other. We as Christians so often discard and cast off those whose beliefs and opinions are different than our own. Is it no wonder that there remains so much contention in the world, even within the Christian community? Strong opinions are good, but rejecting or attempting to demean someone due to their differing opinions is never Christ honoring.
Ken, while I normally agree with what you say, I think you based your response on what some media outlets reported Pat to say. I, too, was shocked so I pulled up the transcript and read the whole thing for myself. It was a specific answer to a specific question: a man committing adultry out of loneliness. He then concluded that he was not an ethicist and a better person than him should answer the question.
Thank you for noting the real context of Dr. Robertson’s statement.
This is a beautiful story, and I agree completely that those who need us the most are most often the ones society would have us cast off. (This includes those who are in “vegetative state” comas and whom society says it is okay to starve to death even though they can breathe on their own.)
But I think we shouldn’t judge Pat too harshly. From what I’ve seen of him lately, I think HE might be suffering from a deteriorating mental state. He says things that he would never have said in his younger days. The mind can deteriorate in different ways as we age. The affects of diseases like Alzheimer’s are obvious, but Mr. Robertson seems to not be thinking as clearly as he once did, so let’s not be too quick to judge him.
Then maybe we should hold the people around him responsible for censoring or withholding his comments in public. If he was trying to alleviate guilt or hide behind “ethics”, that is wrong. Physical relations outside of marriage is wrong, in any instance. Back in “the day”, he would have called a spade a spade.
God will only hold him accountable for what this mind knows he is doing, however, he should be aware of what other people feel from his mis statements and have someone check his words before speaking them outloud….
What an awesome way to share! This really touched my heart and I am sure your dad knew somewhere inside that you were a part of him. They say this disease takes them away, but I believe somewhere, deep down inside them, they are still there just can’t get out. I have watched and cared for Alzheimer patients and I have never doubted my beliefs. Thank you for sharing 🙂
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I cannot believe that a man of God, preaching His word and making people on Television his fans, would dare to make such a comment. What if it was his wife, what would HE personaly do? Leave her for a woman who was not yet stricken by this desease, and still proclaim Jesus as Lord in his life?? Think about it before you believe inhim and his ideas.. surely not God blessed
You need to read the transcript in its entirety to get the truth. This blog is incorrect in quoting Dr. Robertson