How to double cross a vampire

I love the old “creature features.” -especially the vampire ones. They portrayed a subtle message of hope that is missing in many of the dark, graphic films of today. Okay, back off! I don’t believe there are such things as vampires. Even if there were, they wouldn’t be a threat to any person of average intelligence. Just Follow a few simple rules.

Ken’s common sense rules for avoiding vampires:

1. Avoid people who hiss!
2. Don’t go near the place where vampires live, especially at night. In these corny movies, some idiot always decided to go vampire hunting at night. “Let’s grab a pitch fork, light a torch and go when it gets dark.” Hellooo! No wonder there’s such violence! If someone wakes me up in the middle of the night…..I’d bite em!!!
3. Eat lots of Italian food. For some reason, vampires hate garlic. Me, I love garlic. My breath is so bad I don’t even dream about vampires. So if you intend to go hunting for the “batman” avoid brushing your teeth for several days.
4. Keep your windows shut
5. Don’t talk to anyone who doesn’t have a reflection.
6. Spend a lot of time in Alaska during the season where daylight lasts twenty-four hours.
7. Don’t hang around virgins. Vampires always seem to have an unhealthy interest in virgins. If you’re a virgin or know a virgin, consider moving to Alaska.
8. Don’t ever say to anyone, “Bite me!”
9. Never go anywhere without a cross.

There’s the clincher. In the old vampire movies there’s an undeniable power associated with the cross. One person could hold off a horde of vampires simply by lifting up the cross. The flesh of the vampire would burn when it came in contact with the cross. Evil could not conquer in the presence of the cross.
There are no vampires, but every day we all face hissing demons that go for our jugular. Our first reaction is to grab the torches and storm the castle chanting, “I’ll never do that again . . . I’ll never talk to my kids like that again … I’ll never give in to that temptation again … I’m going to be different.”

Some of the rules for avoiding vampires would surely apply. But the greatest safety, the greatest effectiveness in fighting your personal vampires comes from the shadow of the cross. Political clout, legalistic rules, behavior modification and sin management will eventually fail. What happened on the cross took the sting from the most hideous of monsters of all—death itself.

“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?’ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:55-57).

If you like this you might want to check out my book “Lighten Up.”